By Rebecca EPSTEIN
Safety discussions with my daughter were different from talks with my sons, and I was annoyed by my own double standards. Was I really arming her with confidence if I only shared my fear? My life experiences and those of many of my friends include sexual harassment, sexual assault, domestic violence, boundary violations, and a lost sense of security and adventure. Yet, I knew that rather than arming her with over-protected restrictions, I had to empower her to walk the earth with a sense of freedom and appropriate awareness.
Having taken a workshop with Julie Morrill at a women’s running retreat, there was no doubt in my mind she was the one I wanted my daughter to learn safety from. Julie’s career as a disaster preparedness consultant, her Krav Maga expertise, her international volunteer work with women, and the comfortable workshop environment she created were exactly what I wanted to share with my daughter. In short, Julie was my first choice as a co-parent on this topic. My daughter and I were soon on our way to a safety and self-defense workshop with Julie at the teen center in my town. What I learned about my daughter at the workshop filled me with pride and a deeper understanding of her experience.
Workshop topics included awareness training and trusting your intuition. Julie talked about mindset and taught us to use our voices and bodies as tools for fighting back. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my daughter is a lot tougher than I thought. She was not afraid to use her voice or physical strength. She had an easier time tapping into her aggression, learning safety skills, and using her voice than the adult women I had trained with previously. She was more willing to try the self-defense moves and was more playful and confident with them. It became clear to me that her generation had heard a lot more body positive messages and encouragement in physical strength than my own. I realized my view of my own daughter had been only a piece of who she is, having only seen how she reacted when walking next to me. She was well on her way to walking the earth with empowerment. The workshop provided a clear framework from which she could grow.
While my generation might have more fear, we have a much clearer understanding of how technology interferes with awareness and the danger that creates. My daughter and her generation experienced an early reliance on the smartphone. As a result, my daughter had less practice using her senses and being guided by her intuition. She had very little understanding that burying her head in the phone put her at increased risk, even if she was looking at a map or calling a friend. At the workshop, my daughter learned that when she is engaged with her phone, she is unengaged in her situational awareness, leaving her much more vulnerable to her surroundings. Julie modeled what happens to your body posture, and how you become an easy target when you are distracted. Julie said quite frankly: don’t be a prey animal, be a predator. I was so grateful to have Julie explain this to my daughter. The same information coming from me would have invited an eye roll and a closed ear.
Julie told my daughter it was okay to be mean. Julie raised her voice, changed her face, and modeled what a real “BACK OFF!” roar should look like. She asked my daughter to yell it right back. I watched my sweet teenager turn into a ferocious lioness, and it made me so happy. Julie told my daughter to trust her instincts. If someone or something felt off, to get the hell out of there. Julie gave my daughter permission to take care of herself, encouraged her to put her physical and emotional safety at the top of her own list, and provided a framework of tools to help her accomplish this.
My daughter said the workshop was fun, that she wanted to go again and bring friends. We have attended many more workshops and Krav Maga classes. Fighting tools and self-defenses are best learned by repetition. She says she notices when she feels nervous, she uses workshop skills to navigate uneasy situations. And sometimes when I’m giving a goodnight kiss, she says mom, "Fake choke me, I want to practice the defense." And we do.
Rebecca and her daughter perfecting their handstands